Promise, American Cities and Blue Sky Days

This morning, I woke up early and went to the church I used to go to in college, in Fort Worth, Texas. A friend of mine leads worship there (i.e. singer of the band). When I used to go there, between 7 and 5 years ago, the chapel area (the room with pews, facing the "stage") † was much smaller. The church grew and so they built a large, new, slightly ostentatious building, with stone walls and large wooden doors. My guess is that there were about a thousand people in attendance. I sat in the very back corner, and as I looked out over the congregation, I was marked by the homogeny of people there - mostly white, middle to upper-middle-class, between the ages of thirty and fifty. This in no way brought about negative feelings. I was just marked that herein this coming together of Christian believers, sat a large portion of the bourgeois class, the managing body of the city of Fort Worth. These were many of the people that make the city work, they are the employers. I have nothing deeper to say about it, but perhaps that revelation brought about some of the thoughts that are swimming around in my head now.

After church, I hopped in my car and drove up Montgomery Avenue towards Camp Bowie Avenue. To my left, before a quaint old neighborhood, dilapidated old buildings lined the long street - a sorry looking, tin-roofed Dairy Queen, a piece-meal wood-walled convenience store, some small, rusty old wear-house facilities and an old converted gas station, painted powder blue, with an old, full-size, propeller-driven fighter-plane mounted on a post over the top of the building. To my right, looking towards the downtown skyline, there was the Trinity river valley, the beautiful botanic gardens, the Trinity river park, the stock-show, the natural history museum, the Kimball art museum and the Fort Worth Modern Art Museum. How is it that this street, a gateway to one of our country's best art districts, could have such an aesthetically unpleasing facade? I took a right onto Camp Bowie, a street once paved with bricks and with the gorgeous lawns of three incredible art museums, the Kimball, the Amon Carter and the Fort Worth Modern on my right, I drove past crumbling vacant retail and poorly planned condos on my left. On across University Drive, as Camp Bowie became West 7th, I looked out over the new urban retail development still being constructed and the adjacent Montgomery Ward building, now urban lofts with first floor retail. And that mess of a strip-mall shopping center, Lorded over by the Target Super-center behind it. There is so much promise in the city of Fort Worth, and yet such a dichotomy of overlooked dilapidation and myopic development. If the city were a neighborhood, it would be a mix of mansions and slum-shacks as next door neighbors, happily coexisting. I don't know if this is a great thing, or a terrible thing. I wish it were more ideal. I wish everything in the city was beautiful, well designed, well manicured. I wish there was an amazing light-rail system, narrower streets, with bike lanes, pedestrian-friendly first floor retail, with living spaces sitting on top. But it's not that way and maybe it never will fully be that way. Maybe this is just the way it is and the way that it's going to be in American cities.

I drove straight up into downtown and took a right on Summit Avenue and turned onto the highway, looking out over a clear blue sky as the high overpass curved around the Amtrak train yard on the outskirts of downtown. And I drove back into an ever more homogeneous suburban landscape.

I'm actually looking forward to the future, both my own life and the developmental future of the United States. Beautiful cities and big trees and rivers and blue skies are things that bring me joy. I know that these things exist and that they are good. I'm looking forward to continuing to live out my ideals, putting them into practice through art and design. And I'm going to be happy, even though poorly designed suburbs still exist; even though there is environmental destruction continuing throughout the world, I know that the beauty that brings me joy, brings me joy for a reason, because it was created by a beautiful God. And I know that might sound silly to you. And I know that it's all worth preserving, even though it's a frustrating struggle.

† This is a big church, although not technically a "mega-church." It's contemporary, meaning that the "worship music" is played in a style of downtempo acoustic rock. The Christian denomination is "Bible Church" which is considered non-denominational. It's a pretty tame, non-fundamentalist brand of the Christian religion. It's most essential doctrine is the belief that the first century, historical Jesus, was actually God in the body of a man.

Eventual Revamp

There is a good chance that until December 8th, I'll just be too busy to do anything good here. But maybe I'm wrong?

I have some great ideas kicking around in my head. GREAT ideas I tell you! Creativity is coursing through my veins. I guess I'll make money and gain some experience for a few more weeks while it lasts. And then, THEN - then it's on.

The Amazing Mechanics of High-Budget Television

My mind has nearly completely been taken over by the TV show that I'm working on. I've been putting in 15 hours per day, 5 days a week, for two business weeks. It's been an eye opening experience. A great learning experience. I'm exhausted, but I'm proud to be a part of this TV show that we're all on a team to make. On the other hand, I've had no time to sleep, no time to maintain relationships and absolutely no time to write here. I'm looking forward to the days when I can wake up at 9am, walk across the house in my boxers, edit for a while, work out, go lay out in the back yard and cook myself lunch. I'm taking advantage of this experience while it lasts though.

To Create Again

I'm not sure what happened, how I got off track. I went through a period where my creativity flourished, about 4 years ago, and then for two years. I wrote stories, I drew, I made videos, I blogged, I video blogged. And then it all tapered off. Maybe it was the rejection, the TV screener we produced getting official letters of rejection from networks, or our documentary subject killing himself. It got really bad after New Zealand and Australia. It was spending my savings - that hurt. And I started getting desperate for work, just anything to pay the bills. And I got scared.

I'm realizing right now, right this very second, that the act of creation is what brings me fulfillment, and not necessarily even the finishing, although that's important, to follow through. And even though I worked 75 hours last week and this week promises more, I'm going to actively pursue creativity all day long. I'm going to make things out of stir-sticks. I'm going to write in my little pocket notebook, I'm going to compose haikus about the characters around me, all day long. And I'm going to write a few things here, and I'm going to edit some travel videos and throw them up on the internet for the world to see. I see now that creativity, like writing, like our body, gets out of shape if it isn't exercised. And once our minds start to get sluggish, slow, old, flabby; it gets exponentially harder to have any imagination at all. And then we become adults, and we become boring and our fleeting depression turns into acceptance and then monotony and then we become "Americans."

No, that wont do.

I don't need to get paid. There are plenty of jobs for me to do. But I will get paid, eventually. And in the process, while that very slowly starts to happen, I'll be one of the happy few. And others may not understand this, why I am so happy when their lives are so boring and normal. And they'll think I'm crazy, or lazy, or probably lucky. But it won't be luck at all.

"Luck" - what a terrible word.

I want to scream something and charge around. Lead a rebellion. I think I'll go work out now, then come back to this computer and edit the short story I've been wanting to show you. Yes, indeed.

Don't Wanna Get Dooced Here

Sending an email to the production office on my iPhone yesterday, not realizing that my gmail signature, with all of my contact info - Skype, Twitter, Blog, Youtube, would go out on the bottom; I accidentally gave my blog info to the Network producing the TV show I'm working on.

This is me officially saying that I won't write anything, anywhere on the internet about what I'm working on.

In other news, I've worked 57 hours in the last 4 days, and it looks like this is going to continue for a while, so I will not be updating every day (not that I'd been writing very faithfully lately anyway). However, when I do write, it WILL NOT be about the show (If you're reading this, hi Matt!).

Everything has been good, More Than It Is (short film shot in New Zealand) is in L.A., slowly being edited. I'm still living in Dallas. That's it for now. Talk to you soon.

Full Time Work For Fall

I just received a call from the 2nd A.D., hiring me full time on the TV show shooting here in Dallas. If you were following my Tweets at the end of September, you'll know that I moved back to Dallas from L.A. to work on the show and then ended up turning down the job they offered me, because the position just wasn't right for me. In a turn of events, after doing two weeks of freelance video work to stay busy, they called me back and offered me a different, and better position. I start tomorrow at 6:40 a.m. and there's a chance I'll be working nearly every day for the rest of the year. I'll give you more news when I have it. I'm very excited!

Quote

"The only artists I have ever known who are personally delightful are bad artists. Good artists exist simply in what they make, and consequently are perfectly uninteresting in what they are. A great poet, a really great poet, is the most unpoetical of all creatures. But inferior poets are absolutely fascinating. The worse their rhymes are, the more picturesque they look. The mere fact of having published a book of second-rate sonnets makes a man quite irresistible. He lives the poetry that he cannot write. The others write the poetry that they dare not realize."
— Oscar Wilde (The Picture of Dorian Gray)

I've lived wildly and I work manically - so I hope the above isn't as true as it sounds.

I came across this quote in Dave Eggers "Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" today and I just put the book down after I read it. Most of the artists I admire (mostly filmmakers and writers, but some painters), are perfectly boring in their personal lives, but highly efficient and they make wonderful and interesting art. I'm neither efficient, boring, nor, in my opinion, have I produced much art that I'm REALLY proud of. I've got stories for days though, let me tell you.

Things Must Be Getting Better

Because I finally bought that sport coat I wanted (I even bought the matching pants)!

Also, I'm going to see this band on November 7th in Dallas. They're called Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros and I just bought their album "Up From Below" on iTunes for $7.99 - and it's good!

I even got a fancy haircut today. That's a whole lot of money spending for one day. It must be the sleep deprivation. Going to bed early tonight and getting back on track and keeping up with all this work. Good things ahead!

2:30am Stream Of Consciousness

I'll be up all night working on a video that needs to be uploaded to Youtube by 9am. I'm currently waiting on the last few clips to transfer off the camera and I can't get started until they're done, so I'm just going to continue writing, as fast as I can, without thinking about it, until they finish. Since I've been back home in Texas, freelance video work has picked up like crazy. One of my best clients, Oink Art LTD, an online street art supplier, commissioned me to do another round of videos for their wildly popular Youtube channel we started about two years ago (we have around 4 million views on our videos). On top of that, a band has hired me to edit a bunch of promotional videos for them. Also, I am in talks with a film production company in Dallas, to start coming in to take care of some assistant editing duties, roto-scoping and basic 3D work. All of this is making for a very busy Fall - just what I need to finally pay off my editing system and some of the lingering costs of my short film and television pilot that we shot in Australia and New Zealand at the beginning of the summer.

Well, the clips are done transferring and I have an all-nighter ahead of me, so I'm going to get to work.

By the way, please follow me on Twitter, if you don't already.

Autumn Begins - Update

The air outside is cool and crisp, the sky is gray some mornings, I can wear a cardigan comfortably. It's fall, you've no doubt realized this, everyone is Tweeting about it, or, if they don't have Twitter, they've at least updated their Facebook status to tell you of their peppermint or pumpkin spiced latte, maybe they're wearing a scarf, or better yet, they've thought of the perfect Halloween costume, horray! Autumn really is my favorite season, especially the very start of Autumn, when the leaves are still orange but haven't yet fallen from the trees. The landscape will soon be barren and gray, naked looking. I'm in Texas. Soon I will be able to see downtown Fort Worth from almost anywhere within a 20 mile radius. It's slightly elevated compared to the land around it, you may not know that. And once the leaves fall off the trees, you can see the skyscrapers right through peoples' backyards, that is the worst season. But for now, the outdoors are beautiful.

I spent the last month in Los Angeles. I was subletting from my best friends, a married couple. I finally got to live on the West Side. It was nice, I only had two official days shooting video and a couple days of editing, so most of my time was spent surfing the internet, writing a little, working out, running, cooking meals, laying in the sun. It was leisurely to be sure, but it wasn't time wasted. I needed to recharge. The last few days in L.A. were spent preparing to shoot the final scene to my movie More Than It Is. Our lead actress Cherie and Jonathan came over on the final Sunday I was in town and we shot the final scene in front of the house I was staying in. We also shot a few inserts that we needed and we actually FINISHED photography on the movie. It was a wonderful feeling to come back to L.A., work a little bit, visit my friends, go to my church and to actually accomplish all the tasks I had laid before me. As you may remember, in May I went to New Zealand with Jonathan, my cinematographer and Cherie, our actress. We spent ten days there on the South Island of New Zealand shooting our short film More Than It Is and then Jonathan and I moved on to Australia to shoot a television pilot for a travel show that we were creating (New Zealand = Short Film, Australia = Travel show/TV pilot). While in L.A. last month, I was also able to record the voice over for that TV pilot (really a sizzle reel) and sit in on an editing session with John-Michael Powell, our editor. The sizzle-reel is finished now, but since we are pitching it to major networks, it's still a bit of a secret (email me and I'll send you the link and password). It's all very exciting.

At the end of the month in L.A., I met with the assistant director of a big television show that would be shooting in Dallas this Fall. She assured me that there was a job for me on the show, so I cut my sublet a little short, packed up my car and started the drive back to Dallas. The job I was interviewing for was a set PA position, basically one step closer to the camera department, in hopes that I would be able to join the Union as the DIT/Utility on the show (doesn't matter if you don't know what that means, just know that it pays very well and I am well qualified). The position they offered me was a stand-in/extra position. Twelve hours a day, for about a third the pay of the other job. I was just about to send an email saying I'd accept the position when the DP of the show (doesn't matter if you don't know what this means, just know he's a big-shot) called me, irate. He told me not to accept the job. He was furious, said I was way too qualified to be seen in that position and that if I worked on the show as a stand-in, it would be near impossible to ever convince anyone that I was qualified to do the other job. So I emailed the A.D. and respectfully declined the stand-in work. This was twenty hours into my drive back to Texas, four days before I was to start the job, far past the turn-back point. I was very disappointed. If you remember a post a while back, shortly after my return from Australia, I was fairly dismayed at my dismal financial situation and lack of work prospects in the near future. Either I used up all of my stress during that time, or perhaps the good time in L.A. and constant prayer I was in set me back on the straight path of faith, but even with the new bad news I just didn't get stressed out this time. Instead, I came home, relaxed for a day to get over the 24 hour roadtrip hangover and then began calling all of my clients and contacts, letting them know my geographical situation and eagerness to work. And work started pouring in, it was a deluge, monsoon season, it was Mumbai in July! And my schedule has filled up and continues to fill up - editing work mostly, a little bit a camera work. I need money, I need it badly, I need to pay off the debt from my movie and the TV pilot production and I need to pay off my radical, beautiful Mac editing system. I owe a lot, but I've booked more work in a shorter time period than I ever have before, so as long as I work efficiently, I may just accomplish my goal.

Even though I will not be working on the Dallas-based TV show full time (this is subject to change), I am planning on living and working in Dallas for the rest of 2009. I have a great editing station set up here at home and plenty to keep me busy. Hopefully, our travel-pilot will sell and we will begin pre-production on our own show in early 2010, also, I hope that More Than It Is will have a good run of a few film festivals in the Spring. I didn't think this day would come during that dark week in L.A., less than three months ago, but I'm happy to report that I'm happy, I'm working and I'm excited for the future. God is good. Oh look at that, I'd better stop, I'm about to go spiritual on you.

I love you.

If Only You Were Reading Back Then

I just went back and read some of the posts I was putting up in 2006 when I was working at a commercial video editorial house in Dallas. I had hours of free time in the middle of the day and I was stuck in the office and so I was writing all the time. Some of it is pretty good.

Bringing it back, bringing it back.